Kembara

Satu tempat sahaja aku mahu pergi. Boleh check in tapi takkan mahu kembali. 

Beg besar, tapi masih besar ruang kosong. 27 tahun kumpul sampah. Baru satu tahun tak penuh kumpul beras.

The heart

It just hit me while I was on my way to work. All virtues that we know about being kind, polite, having patience, humbleness, etc.. we wont be able to get it into our conduct when situations arises is simply because we humans .. are forgetful. In the Quran, us humans are referred to as Insan. Insan in arabic came from the root word of 'nasiya', meaning 'forget' .

Therefore all advices and knowledge that we seek and received, are simply to reform our heart purging it from all the vices so that when situation arises, you react . Because that is what most of us can do. We react. Our outward actions are plain manifestation of the inward state.

Ya ayuha allazina amanu, ittaqullah. O you who believe, have conciousness of Allah. 

In order for to have taqwa or God conciousness, the heart has to be purge from all the vices. The house has to be cleaned before inviting someone over.

Therefore lets clean and wash our spiritual heart from anger, hatred, ostentation, jealousy, stinginess, blamingworthy modesty, negative thoughts and heedlessness.

Because the heart of the believer is a mirror which His divine attributes reflects. 

We are not perfect. We were never meant to be. Dont lose hope. Because Allah says in Quran surah as shams (91) 

Qad aflaha man zakkaha. 

Indeed success are those who is purifying themselves.

Death

There was this particular moment I thought I was going to die. I remember it was a mixed of feelings. Nervous. But there's this small feeling of excitement. That excitement that you get to go home. It was a false alarm though. 

If we are not gonna think where we came from, there should be a point in your life we should be thinking where we are going. 

But no I'm not suicidal.

Tuhan

Dengan Nama Allah

Yang MahaPengasih, MahaPenyayang

Segala pujian bagi Allah nan mahaesa

Yang mahameliputi semesta semua,

Yang liputanNya menyangkal bicara

Dan Yang bagiNya tiada suatu pun tara.

Mahasuci dan mahamurni

Tiada terketika mahu pun terisi;

Tiada tercurai sebarang peri

Tiada tercapai sebarang budi;

Tuhan sarwa alam berganda

Yang mengambang hebat di angkasa,

Terpamir indah terjelma nyata

Dan yang terbunyi sunyi dalam rahasia;

Yang empunya arasy yang mahatinggi

Pemilik kuasa yang mahakawi,

Yang berbuat sekehendak diri

Akan segala sesuatu mahamengetahui;

Yang menjadikan kejadian semesta

Mengadakannya daripada hal tiada

Dengan hanya titah sepatah kata

Kemudian memulangkannya kepada asalnya;

Yang memperlihatkan di alam tabii

Aneka tandaNya terlalu sani

Dari ufuk berganda ke diri insani

Menyatakan wajahNya yang mahaali;

Meskipun luhurNya jauh terala

Dari segala cita dan rasa dan indera,

Namun hampirNya begitu mesra

Lebih akrab dari aku dan kita.

-Prof. Syed Muhammad Naquib Al-Attas

[A commentary on the Hujjat Al-Siddiq of Nur Al-Din Al Raniri]

Dream.

When you are in dream state, does it occur to you that everything was so real? So real that you perceive it as reality?

Then you wake up to a realm that can only be recognized by our senses. Our understanding of reality is limited to when something is recognized or translated by our senses, (sight,sound, taste). Colors are real because of what we can see, music became real because of what you can hear. 

But then when you were dreaming why everything was so real eventhough all your senses are fast asleep? If one of the characteristics of dream is that it is temporary, then understand that living is a temporary state while death is .. Well.. A dead person died longer compared to when he was alive.

If reality is something that can be touched or see or listened to, know that your body will become dust. So what is real?

"Everyone is asleep. Only when they die they awake."

-Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him and his family)

vomit

I've just went through this web log previous post (say 5~6years ago..). You know the feeling when you want to dig a hole, bury your face in it, cry, close your eyes tight hoping that you will wake up back in those years, meet the previous you .

The first thing I would like to do is sneak up behind myself, wait for the opportunity before grabbing myself and... with a syringe in one hand, squeeze all the juices inside the 'past me' so he will pass out. I dont know what they usually put in that syringe, but it is definitely something that can pass you out.

Then after dragging him to an abandoned condom factory, the interrogation begins. I will highlight some issues such as :

1) stop smoking. It is not cool, it is stupid. Years later you still can quit, but people build a dam at the river not the lake.
2) Get enough sleep. Or else in your late 20s you will be a zombie, sleepwalking all your life.
3) Dont get addicted to music. Addiction to music will weaken your willpower. tested and proven.
4) Grow beard. It is wrong for a woman to love a man that looks like a woman.
5) Dont self pity. Dont play the I'm the victim game. Dont whine. Even whiners hates whiners.
6) Dont waste time. since the time will never be static. you've read that previous sentence 5 seconds ago.
7) Get thorough understanding of your religion, Islam. understand the basic of the basics, which is LOVE. It is not to start with JUSTICE ('Adl) but GOOD CHARACTER. Love will produce good character and the rest are just the product of good character. Our leader Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him and his family) was called Habibullah. HABIB! meaning beloved or sweetheart.
8) Dont play around with people's heart. Heart is irrational whereas the mind will rationalize. You are lucky the hearts you have broken didn't drive the mind to jump off building.
9) Get to know your higher self. You think, therefore I AM is a false ego. you are not the thinker. you are the space that holds the thinking. live in the present. you are not the nafs! (Lower self) But Ruh! (higher self). Die before you die! achieve enlightenment. become a buddha.
10) Dont trade this world for the next. It is not even worth of a mosquito's wing. We have another 50 000 years of journey ahead or more before reaching judgement day. Christians called it purgatory. Muslim calls it Barzakh. difference is that, it is not only for bad souls, but all good and bad souls. The previous nations had already started their journey. We are lagging. They had died longer than they had lived.

Then I will bitchslap myself back to reality.

Umayyad mosque, Damascus, Syria.

Pedestal of Imam Hussein's head. Ummayad mosque, Damascus,Syria. 

You cant love Allah without loving what Allah loves. You can't love the beloved without loving what the beloved loves.

You love the one who loves the beloved.

The Prophet (SAW) grandson was beheaded and the head was on pedestal for display to public. 

How can we Muslim claim to love the beloved while ignoring or forgetting this fact.

We are paying attention to the little things and forgetting the bigger picture. We bore hatred because some prefers to prostrate on the earth while the rest prefers on a carpet. We're expecting a uniformity in unity, whereas we forgot that we were born differently. 

On the 10th of Muharram (ashura) where there is a community busying themselves making porridge, another community is weeping, mourning, but were blamed for doing it. 

Can you blame someone who are in love for not eating or sleeping?

Nevertheless if you are trying to attain love by not eating or sleeping then you are out of your mind.

If you think by whipping your body will enable you to feel the love from deep down in the soul then you are asking your ears to hear colors and eyes for the sight of sound.

Love sits peacefully in the heart, not frantically running in the mind. You are irrational if you are trying to rationalize love.

Peace be upon him and his family. 

-Abdullah-