Saturday, 23 September 2017


This is written towards the end of 2017. I still vividly remember what blogspot meant to us, to my friends and I. It is a place where most of us express their feelings, try to tell someone important your feelings but not directly, it is encrypted in a poetry like attempt.I'm guilty of doing that as well. hoping that person could understand the message behind.

But looking back at what was written by friends , it still gives me goosebumps. and the butterfly effect. how powerful words are , the ability to stir something dead in you. stirring ones heart. You are dead if you cant find the emotion to express yourself and to feel. If it is me, I would like to welcome all that feeling even it is pain , guilt, happiness, anticipation, suspense.

We were naive when blogging is a trend, but that naivety that stirs up feelings, longings, emotions. If i were to express myself now, I would like to express my sadness. I'm sad because i missed those feelings. those emotions that makes you alive. How can you move on from being human to a mannequin. I missed those feelings and at times scared that I woke up one day and forgotten how that feels like. how love feels like, how it drives you to do crazy stuff, how alive you are and makes you see how alive the streets are. 

No way we can return to the past. All we and I can is to carry those memories. it is something that is happening inside. to hear those laughter and cries without sound. to see all those moments without eyes. That memory solely belong to you and me. 

All of you are my starry starry night. starry starry night. The starry starry night that I wont forget. That I will take it to my grave. 

Friday, 10 June 2016

cry / menangis

when a kid starts to cry, it is common to see parents try to put a stop to it by shouting back STOP CRYING! STOP IT! 

In an environment where we grew , crying is seen as a weakness. If you shed a tear, you will  be mocked, or threathened (which have a 50/50 outcome of the cry to stop.) The case is worst if you're a boy. 

take an example of the boy, that for years he perfected the art of holding tears until one day he is numb in the inside. you can insult him, get into fight with him, mock him , he will not shed a single tear. not even during funerals. the trigger to make him cry seems to be disabled. and that is my friend.. the definition of being manly. right?

years later as an adult, he wonders why was he unable to cry when praying. when bombs dropped at civilian. seeing refugees. he feels nothing. although he wanted to feel sad for them but truthfully there's nothing inside of his chest. he may use the sad emoticon but you know, all his feeling are stripped down to just an emoticon. and to add i think the biggest lie is 'lol'. one your biggest expression (to laugh) had been stripped down to just these 3letters.

a sufi shaykh once said if you don't cry when you pray, that is a symptom of a dead heart. and prayers suppose to give you life. to make you feel alive again. but then again now it is stripped down to just rituals. standing sitting and prostrating . much attention given to where should the hand or the feet be but never the heart. 

so brothers and sisters, if you are like me, we have a big quest in looking for that 'enable' button. that allows us to cry again. cry for anything. make your heart alive again. so that you can show compassion, love. if you have a boy. let him cry. it is okay to cry. Prophet Muhammad (pbuh), the most influential man in the world did cry. a lot. Imam Ali (as) , his beard soaked with tears when praying yet he is one of the most feared person in arabia during his time. cry so that your heart is alive.

another sufi shaykh once asked, what is the opposite of life? the students answered 'death' . the shaykh said no.. life has no opposite. the opposite of death is being born. you maybe alive but inside you dont have 'life.'

Friday, 31 July 2015

Minimalism day something something

For a start i realised it is too much to update this daily consider 9-5 commitment I'm stuck in.

Still I continue to only use items at home when required and put it away afterwards hidden from sight.  

I had managed to sell that bulky air cooler. Also i found feet massager and that to be sold off too. About those clothes still i have attachment to each of it. Perhaps donating it is a good practice to distance the self from identification. Example I'm Ali because only Ali wear that type of clothing. 

I think it is an issue when one is identified by what he is possessing. Deep in my heart i still think and believe that your character and the voice in your mind is all fake and not you. If you are what your brain thinks then when you die the brain will decay to. The thought of suddenly not come into existence does not make sense. 

Life is like an electricity to a light bulb , 
Light bulb is the physical cage to catch that light. Still this light bulb wont have any use unless someone make it a torch light and then it will become useful. That someone is definitely the soul.

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Minimalism day 3,4,5

A lot of minimalising plans for last weekends except that i caught fever. Therefore i minimalised my movements. All i did was throwing out those skin drying facial wash on century old hair cream. 

I was flipping all those old flickr photos. I wonder where did my passion went? I minimalized what bothers my mind and that empty space is now filled up again with those memory of being 'alive'.Now  coupled with nervousness. 

I miss that feeling of holding the camera to document that moment, while everyone was busy moving. And you are just there . At that moment. As if watching a movie but there is a reality to it. I stop time for myself. Stepping out from all of your timezones. 

It is to be in the present moment makes you feel like waking from a long slumber.

Friday, 24 July 2015

Minimalism day 2

  Last night before bedtime, I cleared up those plastic bags at the kitchen. Keep some threw some. Put it in a bigger bag nicely for easy reach. Folded up clothes and that is de-cluttering for me. 

  Today at work with an empty desk, i have more focus doing work and came to a realisation, if you inject your personal life at workspace, eg: putting pictures of friends and family, you are mixing your personal life with work. Outward appearance is manifestation of the heart. 

   If your work is taken away from you, some part of your life will be taken away too. But if life and work seperates completely, with no job then well.. Work is just work. You can always figure something out. That is for me.

I'm still distracted with this smartphone. I guess the usage also have to be minimal no? Perhaps to only use internet once a day at lunch hour. Dream big.

To be continued...

Thursday, 23 July 2015

Minimalism day 1

Today I have decided to start being minimal. 

Growing up, there is this indoctrination saying you got to buy house, car, new phones, this and that so that you will be happy. You got to have high paying job and earn big bucks so that you will be happy. There are so many things to do! So much clutters! So little time! 

Today i'm sick of having all these things and I'm gettin rid of my material possessions. The next paycheck i will receive is for me to keep the bare minimum. The rest will go to my daughter and wife and family. 

Why am I doing this? No definitive answer for now. Perhaps I will know it when i do it. So today I'm going to start with my beloved collection of film camera. The only happiness I got was when I click the 'buy' button in ebay. 

Tomorrow will be my clothes.


First I got to set up a goal. Say.. 1month from now. 

Okay.. Before clocking off work, the table should be cleaned up of unnecessaries. They will definitely think I'm leaving the company. Benefit of the doubt.


Only things that I need. Got me into thinking, i made my workstation homey as if i like staying here. This is more like it. Home is home. Work is work. 

To be continued...

Sunday, 10 May 2015

Lahir dan mati. Lahir kembali suatu yang abadi.

Tunggu dan Temankan ibu bapa mu di waktu kematian, seperti di tunggu dan disambutmu sewaktu kelahiran.

Bisikkan 'kepada Allah kami kembali', 
Seperti kau yang bayi diazan kanan dan kiri.

Mandikan mereka dan cucikan seikhlas hati, seperti kau yang bayi dimandikan dengan teliti dan berhati-hati.

Ikatkan kaffan dengan kemas, seperti kau yang bayi dipakaikan pakaian emas.

Bacakan ayat suci dengan tartil satu persatu,
Seperti kau yang kecil kembang telinga mendengar tanggang jadi batu.

Solatkan pemergian dengan hati yang hadir,
Hati itu perlu hadir untuk mengadu bersama air mata yang mengalir.

Pegang mereka dengan rapat
Seperti kau yang bayi didukung erat

Baringkan di liang lahad dengan cermat
Seperti kau yang bayi ditidurkan, dibaringkan, itulah tanda Rahmat.

Ucapkan selamat tinggal pastinya akan bertemu kembali. Berharap dalam kegembiraan di luar tafsiran aqli. 

Itu sahaja doaku pada Tuhan, yang menjadikan segala kejadian. Ku sertakan salawat dan salam, kepada Nabi junjungan umat islam.

Thursday, 7 May 2015

Wujud , lahir , mati , bangkit.

Berita kematian itu seharusnya menjadi peringatan. Yang sihat belum pasti umurnya panjang. Teringat ungkapan seorang Abdullah, "Jika kita dicipta untuk  dunya, tentu sekali tidak akan ada yang mati." 

"Sayangilah sesiapa yang mahu kau sayangi. Sesungguhnya kamu akan berpisah. Hiduplah sebagaimana engkau mahu hidup, sesungguhnya engkau akan mati. Kerjakanlah apa yang mahu dikerjakan. Sesungguhnya setiap kerja dan amal ada ganjaran dan balasan."

Thursday, 30 April 2015

Mencari Tuhan

"Kebelakangan ini aku sering terbangun malam dan baru-baru ini aku terjaga dan lama aku berfikir. Aku tidak pernah sekali berterima kasih kepada si Pencipta atas nyawa yang masih lagi dipinjamkan."

- Luahan seorang katolik kepada Abdullah yang berdengkur malam.

Tuan/puan ada sedikit masa? Aku boleh tunjukkan ayat Raja segala raja. Kemudian nilai lah sendiri.

Saturday, 3 January 2015

Cinta itu seperti Majnun dan Laila.

Cinta itu seperti Majnun dan Laila.

Kata Majnun, "Aku berjalan menyelusuri menyentuh dinding ini dan dinding itu. Bukannya cinta pada dinding ini yang memerangkap jiwa ku tetapi cinta dan rindu terhadap si Dia yang maqam nya adalah di antara dua dinding ini."

Pada satu ketika datang seekor anjing liar perlahan-lahan merapati Majnun. Disapu dan dibelai haiwan itu. Ketika manusia-manusia yang melintasi keakraban mereka mula mencemuh perbuatan itu, Majnun membalas, "Tinggalkan aku! Tinggalkan cemuhan mu! Aku sendiri pernah menyaksikan haiwan ini berlegar di perkarangan Laila maka aku sekarang mencintainya."

Tuesday, 23 December 2014


Satu tempat sahaja aku mahu pergi. Boleh check in tapi takkan mahu kembali. 

Beg besar, tapi masih besar ruang kosong. 27 tahun kumpul sampah. Baru satu tahun tak penuh kumpul beras.

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

The heart

It just hit me while I was on my way to work. All virtues that we know about being kind, polite, having patience, humbleness, etc.. we wont be able to get it into our conduct when situations arises is simply because we humans .. are forgetful. In the Quran, us humans are referred to as Insan. Insan in arabic came from the root word of 'nasiya', meaning 'forget' .

Therefore all advices and knowledge that we seek and received, are simply to reform our heart purging it from all the vices so that when situation arises, you react . Because that is what most of us can do. We react. Our outward actions are plain manifestation of the inward state.

Ya ayuha allazina amanu, ittaqullah. O you who believe, have conciousness of Allah. 

In order for to have taqwa or God conciousness, the heart has to be purge from all the vices. The house has to be cleaned before inviting someone over.

Therefore lets clean and wash our spiritual heart from anger, hatred, ostentation, jealousy, stinginess, blamingworthy modesty, negative thoughts and heedlessness.

Because the heart of the believer is a mirror which His divine attributes reflects. 

We are not perfect. We were never meant to be. Dont lose hope. Because Allah says in Quran surah as shams (91) 

Qad aflaha man zakkaha. 

Indeed success are those who is purifying themselves.

Friday, 12 December 2014


There was this particular moment I thought I was going to die. I remember it was a mixed of feelings. Nervous. But there's this small feeling of excitement. That excitement that you get to go home. It was a false alarm though. 

If we are not gonna think where we came from, there should be a point in your life we should be thinking where we are going. 

But no I'm not suicidal.

Monday, 13 October 2014


Dengan Nama Allah
Yang MahaPengasih, MahaPenyayang

Segala pujian bagi Allah nan mahaesa
Yang mahameliputi semesta semua,
Yang liputanNya menyangkal bicara
Dan Yang bagiNya tiada suatu pun tara.
Mahasuci dan mahamurni
Tiada terketika mahu pun terisi;
Tiada tercurai sebarang peri
Tiada tercapai sebarang budi;
Tuhan sarwa alam berganda
Yang mengambang hebat di angkasa,
Terpamir indah terjelma nyata
Dan yang terbunyi sunyi dalam rahasia;
Yang empunya arasy yang mahatinggi
Pemilik kuasa yang mahakawi,
Yang berbuat sekehendak diri
Akan segala sesuatu mahamengetahui;
Yang menjadikan kejadian semesta
Mengadakannya daripada hal tiada
Dengan hanya titah sepatah kata
Kemudian memulangkannya kepada asalnya;
Yang memperlihatkan di alam tabii
Aneka tandaNya terlalu sani
Dari ufuk berganda ke diri insani
Menyatakan wajahNya yang mahaali;
Meskipun luhurNya jauh terala
Dari segala cita dan rasa dan indera,
Namun hampirNya begitu mesra
Lebih akrab dari aku dan kita.

-Prof. Syed Muhammad Naquib Al-Attas

[A commentary on the Hujjat Al-Siddiq of Nur Al-Din Al Raniri]

Thursday, 11 September 2014


When you are in dream state, does it occur to you that everything was so real? So real that you perceive it as reality?

Then you wake up to a realm that can only be recognized by our senses. Our understanding of reality is limited to when something is recognized or translated by our senses, (sight,sound, taste). Colors are real because of what we can see, music became real because of what you can hear. 

But then when you were dreaming why everything was so real eventhough all your senses are fast asleep? If one of the characteristics of dream is that it is temporary, then understand that living is a temporary state while death is .. Well.. A dead person died longer compared to when he was alive.

If reality is something that can be touched or see or listened to, know that your body will become dust. So what is real?

"Everyone is asleep. Only when they die they awake."

-Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him and his family)